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Talking to Your Grown Children about Your Divorce

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Many couples wait until their children have left the home and are fully independent before filing for divorce. Others simply don’t realize that the relationship is no longer working until their children have left the nest. Splitting up when children are young can be painful and disruptive, but there are still concerns albeit different ones, to take into account when discussing your divorce with children who are older. Learn more about how to navigate a conversation about your split with your grown children, and contact a knowledgeable New Jersey divorce lawyer with additional questions about your divorce.

Plan how and when you’ll have the conversation

Now that your children are older, you may feel like you can approach this conversation as you would with a friend, but you’re still a parent to your kids, and they may still be heartbroken at the news that their parents are splitting up. Speak with your children in person if at all possible, or over the phone if they live far away, rather than over text or email, where conveying tone accurately will be challenging. Try to avoid shooting off a text or phone call in haste after an emotional conversation with your spouse, as this may feel confusing or glib to your children.

Speak to your children together

By speaking to your kids all together, rather than in individual conversations, you’ll lower the chances of your children feeling isolated or even responsible for the breakup. They’ll also have the support of their siblings in the immediate wake of the conversation.

Don’t overshare

When speaking with your adult child about your divorce, you may feel as though you can be completely candid about the reasons for the divorce and the problems in your relationship. However, sharing your anger, intimate details of your marriage, or even pointing blame at your spouse is better done with a good friend or therapist. Don’t forget that you’re still a parent to your kids, and so is your spouse. Remain neutral when speaking to your children about the divorce, and decide in advance how you want to explain the reasons behind the split, so as not to divulge more than you meant to in an emotional moment.

If you’re in need of knowledgeable, experienced, and effective representation in your New Jersey divorce, contact the Union family law attorney John B. D’Alessandro for a consultation, at 908-964-0102.

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