How to Tell Your Spouse that You Want a Divorce

There is no easy way to tell your spouse that you’re ready to end your marriage. That said, there are ways to make this challenging conversation easier both for you and for your spouse. Having a conversation about your desire to end your marriage with compassion and after some planning can help you avoid making your split contentious from the very start. Learn about ways to have a conversation sharing your desire for a divorce in a thoughtful but firm way below, and contact a seasoned New Jersey divorce attorney with additional questions about next steps.

Pick the right context to deliver the news

You may find it tempting to share your wish for a divorce in the heat of an argument when you feel as though you’ve reached your breaking point on trying to make things work. This could result in your spouse not taking your wish seriously, assuming you’re simply upset about the fight and not resolved to end your marriage, and may in fact be a choice made from emotion rather than calm consideration. Instead, choose a block of time when you can have a private conversation with your spouse. Try to avoid having this conversation when other major life events are occurring. If possible, find alternative care for your children to avoid interruption. Make sure you have enough time so that your spouse can ask questions and feel heard.

Prepare for your spouse’s anticipated response

Ask yourself whether your spouse might see this conversation coming, or if you anticipate that your spouse will be blindsided. Prepare yourself emotionally for a potential angry outburst, and remember that this reaction is likely coming from a place of hurt. Try not to respond in kind.

Be ready to calmly stand your ground on your decision

Your spouse may try to talk you out of your choice to divorce, especially if you seem unsure of your decision or as though you may be convinced to stay in the marriage under certain conditions. If you’re truly certain that the relationship cannot be repaired, convey this to your spouse by using firm, non-accusatory language to share your desire for a divorce, and avoid getting drawn into a negotiation on how the relationship could be prolonged.

Hold off on firming up details

You may be surprised to find that your spouse agrees with your desire for a split and may even be ready to hash out details of a divorce. Don’t get into the nitty-gritty of a divorce during your first conversation about a split. You may be making decisions from a more emotional place than you realize. Instead, wait until you’ve consulted with a divorce attorney to avoid giving too much away or forsaking certain rights, perhaps out of feelings of guilt for being the spouse to request the divorce.

If you’re considering ending your marriage in New Jersey and want sophisticated legal help in protecting your rights, contact the professional and effective Union divorce attorney John B. D’Alessandro for a consultation at 908-964-0102.