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Avoid These Mistakes when Divorcing


When you’re in the midst of a divorce, your emotions are running high. You’re not thinking clearly, and you may allow anger, sadness, or pride to guide what should be levelheaded decisions—decisions which can have an impact on your finances and relationship with your children for years to come. A skilled and compassionate attorney can assist you in avoiding these common pitfalls, instead reaching a divorce judgment that will best promote your interests and those of your children.

  • Being in a rush to settle

No one wants to spend years mired in an interminable court battle. Additionally, the pain of seeing an ex along with the shame of going through a divorce may make you want the experience to be over as soon as possible. However, being in too much of a hurry can lead you to make compromises and sacrifices you wouldn’t otherwise make. Don’t simply go along with whatever your ex requests to make the process go faster, or in the hopes that your agreeableness will win them back.

  • Failing to compromise on insignificant matters for the sake of proving a point

While you should avoid making sacrifices on important issues, you should also avoid fighting your ex on every last issue. If she’s asking for the painting that hangs in your foyer—the wedding gift that you’ve always secretly thought was hideous—don’t make this an opportunity to do battle. Save the fights for issues that are truly important to you, rather than seeing the divorce as an opportunity to have the final word with your ex.

  • Making your attorney’s job harder

The success of your divorce case rests in large part on the ways in which you engage with your attorney. If you provide insufficient—or, worse, false—information to your lawyer, or fail to make clear what your ideal outcome is in terms of a property settlement or custodial arrangement, then you are severely hampering your attorney’s ability to bring about what would be a successful resolution to your case. That said, it can also be detrimental for you to contact your attorney unnecessarily with questions or demands about what is going on in your case. Your lawyer knows that the outcome is extremely important and personal to you. Allow them the time required for the claim to progress through the judicial system, and to craft winning arguments and motions for your case.

  • Involving your children or putting them in the middle

Once you’ve reached the point of divorcing from your spouse, your children have likely already seen tense or angry moments between yourself and their other parent. As you embark on learning how to parent your children with a former spouse, set the tone for respect and civility early. Do not allow your children to feel as though they need to choose between the two of you, nor that they have to serve as mediator or as a means of communication with your ex.

If you are in need of a talented New Jersey attorney for your divorce, contact the Union offices of family law practitioner John B. D’Alessandro for a consultation, at 908-964-0102.

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